Funny Pictures of Fractions You Give When Someone Sneezed Near You
August 26, 2005
The Sneeze Mailbag
Here's a couple of emails from you fine fine people...
Steve,
Today I was thinking. And I thought about meatballs (haha balls, no.) And then I realized they need a better name. "Meatballs" is so obvious, at least say it in another language like "chai" instead of tea.
Maybe you can come up with something. But please, uniqueness!
-Margaret
Meatball Margie,
Off the top of my head, all I have for you is "Steer Spheres." Hopefully the Sneezelings can do better.
--Steve
Steve,
I saw in your piece on "Rainbow Parties," you spelled "blow-job" with a hyphen.
For years, my wife Lisa and I have argued whether it should be spelled as one word, "blowjob" or two, "blow job." We had never even consider the hyphen!
I was wondering how your The Sneeze readers might feel on the subject. I'm not interested in what the rules are. I want to know what people think. Should it be "blow job" or "blowjob" or "blow-job?" And why?
-A Reader
Mr. Reader,
It's funny because I don't even remember spelling it with the hyphen.
A quick search shows I also spelled it "blow job" in Steve, Don't Eat It - Breast Milk. So it seems I really have no clue.
I leave it in the hands of the sexual grammarians out there. Should it be with a hyphen, a space, or all one word.
(Along with any new names for Meatballs you might have.)
Posted by Steven | Archive
Comments
For the meatball-ternative, might I suggest:
fleshticle?
Well, for meatballs, you could always go back to the Italian: crocchetta
Or if you want to have more fun with it: orb steak, beef globes, pork pellets
As for blow-job/blow job/blowjob... dictionary.com has entries for all three spellings, so I say take your pick.
It seems like it would be hyphenated, isn't this the type of situation where a hyphen is used? It is two unrelated words being brought together to form a new meaning.
Yeah, but so is "butterfly" and there's no hyphen there, eh?
Well, Merriam-Webster suggests that "blow job" is the preferred spelling, "blowjob" is an acceptable alternative, and "blow-job" is not acceptable. Personally, I like "blowjob": the one-word spelling distinguishes the blowjob from all other types of jobs, which is exactly as it should be. :)
Steer Spheres = Rocky Mountain Oysters
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocky_Mountain_oysters
I think it would be appropriate to spell it "blow.job"
The symbolism is obvious: The period is a prime catalyst for making the idea a reality.
I can't say I've ever written or typed the word blowjob (blow-job or blow job). This is a 1st. Does it really matter how it's spelled? I would think that knowing how to give one would be more important that knowing how to spell it!
Yeah...I give them to my husband. I guess that's why he's such a happy guy!
however you spell it, it makes me happy.
I'm going to continue to spell it as one word because my mom taught it to me that way, taught me the spelling I mean.
As for meatball, I'm all for keeping it as it is. What's wrong with a perfectly simple descriptive word?
Sphereical Meat OF DOOM.
Beeftacular Meat in Ball Shape.
Rounded meat Biproduct.
Testicle like Balls of meat.
Meaty sacks of meat.
FleshNuts.
Bottom two compliments of my freind, Star.
I guess it depends on the timing, if I were to ask for a blowjob, I'd say it's one word. If I was getting a blow-job I'd probably stutter a little and go with the hyphen. Then when I was telling my friends about my blow job later, I'd want to emphasize each word, to rub it in their faces. You can't make any jokes about "rub it in their faces" you see fit.
Combining unrelated words with a hyphen is generally only for adjectives, or for nouns at the very beginning of their evolution. Bedroom, butterfly, and most other nouns like that were originally hyphenated for a short period, but are now just one word. If combining two words to be an adjective, the hyphen is used.
If I remember correctly, meatballs are essentialy hamburger patties rolled up in little balls. So wouldn't "Burger Balloons" or "Ham boils" also be aceptable.
But the name should stay the same since we're all so used to it, and I fear change.
blowjob should be one word.
blowjob.
(and as Richard Jeni says, "...the greatest thing ever invented by man...ever!")
Meatballs---
~Ground rounds
~World is rounds
Doesn't matter how you spell it - there's no such thing.
(Peach, PLEASE speak with my wife!)
I think "blow job" is two words. You wouldn't write "handjob", would you?
Mr. Reader, I think if fighting with your wife over how to spell blow job is a bigger concern than fighting to get one, you are a lucky man.
dave,
just to clarify...decent meatballs are not just ground beef rolled into a ball. at least the ones that us italians eat. they contain 3 meats (beef, pork and veal) and also egg, a little milk, breadcrumbs (hopefully with some spices included) , garlic, parm reg, and possible some salt and pepper.
i think that meatball is a fine name, because just saying it makes me salivate.
and blowjob? my vote is for one word.
All this made me hungry and horny
I would think either blowjob or blow job would be correct. You'd only get into hyphenates if it described something immediately after (i.e. top-notch service versus the service was top notch); however, when has blow job ever been used as a descriptive? I agree, knowing how to administer one is more important than knowing how to spell it. If all else fails, the inoccuous enough "BJ" can be employed.
As for meatballs, why mess with perfection?
Postscript: If you were to mix the two themes of BJs and balls, you no longer are in the neighborhood of blowjobs, but have entered the realm of teabagging.
I hope this helps.
Blowjob. One word. Looks better this way.
Beeftacle. Again, one word. Sounds grosser this way.
Beeftacle is a funny word...but it makes me picture the sausage more than the balls.
hehehe.
~Commenting on what poopiepants, I think we should just say horngry, cuz...I said so.
~I think we've already covered enough info about the other two topics, but if you must insist upon my opinion...
~Blowjob is fine being just one word, the other two are just unnecasary (sp?, how *do* you spell that anyways?)
~And I think meatball is perfect the way it is, anything else would just sound retarded.
McBeefets?
"Blowjob." Consise, easy.
Horngry Guy,
It's "unnecessary".
Meatballs should be called
Tiny Meat Globes
or Mad Cow Pellets
or Spherical Beef Nuggets
as for blowjob, I don't care how people say it, as long as they don't call it a "bj"... that always bugs me.. call it head, hummeroo, blowing the magic flute, baptising the bong (my personal favorite)... just don't call it a bj. sounds like your talking about a sandwich or a feminine product.
All of these alternate terms for meatballs are sounding too much like terms for testicles. I suppose the only reason "meatballs" doesn't immediately conjure images of testes is because we've collectively accepted as a society that it refers to cooked wads of beef. THIS ILLUSION MUST END TODAY!!
TBE and imrik,
Butterfly used to be "flutterby", for obvious reasons... until crazy English speakers changed it.
Well, Molto Mario calls them (meatballs, not blowjobs) (to the best of my knowledge) "polpette," so I think this is a perfectly suitable and fancier-sounding name. We could also mangle this entertainingly to either "pulpits" or "Pol Pots."
Balls said the Queen, if I had them, I'd be King!
See, in my mind, the term "BJ" always makes me think of some cute little prepster named Babs or Muffy, too uptight to actually administer a hummer. I only tossed the term out there as an aside if someone's whole world would implode over the whole hyphen dilemna.
Got cock?
why don't we just switch the two terms? I think we should eradicate "blowjob/blow job/blow-job" and go with "meatballing." And just to make an even trade, we could dub meatballs, "bon jambon (bj)." Although it means "good pork" au francais, and I don't know if there is a huge following for porkballs, as it were, here in the states. Or anywhere. Am I wrong?
*sigh*
Beefysacks. But then'd I'd want to kick them around more than eat them.
And blowjob is to be spelt any way you would find necessary. Just type it and go on. Or write it. Think it. Break it. Fix it. Trash it. Change it. Now, upgrade it.
How about Meat-balls and Blow-job. The hyphen rules!
-This message brought to you by the Commitee to Bring Back the Hyphen.
i guess we're all really busy at work, or really bored at home.
who the hell cares! everyone should just go out eat some fuggin' meatballs, and get or give a blowjob.
Blowjob is one word.
For the meatballs, I think they should be called schwyrdies.
Swedish meatballs, swedish chef, schwyrdi scwyrdi jee...BORK BORK BORK!
Max
Also I might add that strangely enough meatballs spelled backwards is sllabteam.I have too much free time.
8Lo\/\/jo8
Leet solves all problems....
This blog has the wittiest members ever.
Blow job. Two words. Be a man and enunciate. You are, after all, asking for fellatio not to pass the sugar.
Meatball. It works for all kinds of people. For the pervs it conjures images of disembodied fuzzy testicles. For the more sane it brings to mind spaghetti or some other Italian food.
I've had the same discussion about the phrase "cock hungry whores". Although it IS actually three different words, you always kind of run the words together, so shouldn't it really be hyphenated for effect? The same as blow-job. Those two words just deserve to be connected somehow.
Protein Pods
Anything alliterative has got to be good.
DEFINATELY "blowjob," though I would concede that it should be "hand job." I have no reason to back this up, but I don't want to get this tattoo fixed with a hyphen. If I were to get it fixed as "blow job" I would need to graft skin from my ass put in the middle of the current tattoo.
As for meatball replacements,
Beef bulbs
Dollops o' meat
meat sacs
Beef bindle
Though eventually meatballs will no longer use that spherical shape as it is inefficient to ship as opposed to cubes, when that day comes:
Carcass cubes
Meatball, meat ball, or meat-ball. Any one of these is acceptable. Wait... what?
How about Compacted Meat Spheres? And as for the spelling of blowjob, blow job, or blow-job, i would go with Blowjob. Because hyphens seem to make you pause between words, and blow job seems too stretched out.
Round is inefficient? I think the cubes would simply become rounded in shipping or cooking.
Blow Job (because my husband says it can be whatever I want it to be). Ask nicely, too.
just looked up that Wikipedia and all i can say is Yuk!! But i read on...guess i wanted to see what all the fuss is.
At the bottom it gives slang and this is what it says
"Performed on the genitals of a man, oral sex is technically called fellatio, but common slang includes terms such as blowjob, cocksucking, "giving head" and "shines" and "brain salad surgery"
All I can say is forget the hypen I will now call it "Brain Salad Surgery". But i cant say it with a straight face.
In case you want to know I will now refer to oral sex on a woman as "yodelling in the canyon"
I can hear it now. "Honey, If I go yodelling in the canyon will you do some brain salad surgery"
I think blow-job looks best, blowjob all together looks like a mouthful
"Brain Salad Surgery" is slang for a blowjob? Never heard that before.
Is it possible that this is a case of somebody planting erroneous info on Wikipedia?
Interestingly, the slang term for planting erroneous info on Wikipedia is "pole smoking."
Meatball alternative name: Spaghetti Spheres.
Ass Shanks
Butt-balls
Heroism Chunks
Ass Rounds
Loin Rations
Butt Nuggets
Ass Cronies
Hot Beef Halos
Nut Tenders
Moist Testicle Filets
Tube Steak Mini's
Never heard of brain salad surgery before!
Regarding whether there is a huge enough of a demand or following here in the States for porkballs... if you make them and manufacture them jazzy enough, Americans will eat just about anything.
You might not know, some Americans actually eat SCRAPPLE which is essentially a brick of oatmealish stuff, and assorted pork parts that didn't make the final cut into hotdogs and sausages (basically the next step for anything left over after the Scrapple stage is the trash heap).
Special note: There are NO FEWER THAN FOUR PIGS ANUSES in each one pound brick of scrapple.
If you make it, they will gorge.
I started out trying to remember the proper name for meatballs. Then I got distracted trying to recall the proper name for balls...coughcoughMcNuggets...now I am so confused.
I always thought perhaps the spelling of blowjob indicated something about how the gal would approach it. For example, blow-job may be slow and affectionate where blowjob all one word gets the thing done without punctuation or hesitation.
Howabout checking with the Oral Office at the Whitehouse?
Mark, wouldn't you want a blow job to stretch on. at least for a little while?
However, i do spell it blowjob.
One word, blowjob. Less messy and easier to fit in with the marriage vows.
hello steve, I am a huge fan of your site. Let me just say, i automatically cross out the suggestion of having blow-job be one word, just because of the fact that its two words. Also, i am not forgetting about compound words like cupcake and hotdog, but blow-job is best used with a hyphen in my personal point of view.
one word...one less space in a personal add that charges by the letter.
Ovular Bovine = Meatball
Two words, As George Carlin says it is called a blow "job" so women feel they are doing something good for the economy.
At least that is what my husband tell me. He wouldnt know. We are married so I dont have to give them anymore.
Carrie you are an evil evil person.
Blowjob!!! Or if the debate just can't be settled... "honkin' on a bobo"
balls-o-meat
carniwhores
meat morsels
meatios
beeflets
Yes, we Americans do tend to stuff anything in our mouths that has a nice snappy name and a marketable wrapper on it (i.e. "Fruit Breezers"?! Just call them f-ing cough drops!!) But I do have to credit non-American cultures for such delicacies as "Haggis (sp)" and "Menudo (sp)."
And as for Scrapple? Anything UNFIT to me mashed into cow intestine and labeled 'hot dog' should be incinerated immediately. On second thought, perhaps GOYA could take the Scrapple and show it wrapped in a tortilla and call it "Huitlascrapple."
OK, first can I just say what a horrible idea it was to have commenting on both these subjects together? Secondly, the ideal word for meatball is the Spanish - Albondigas. (ahl-BONE-dee-gahss) Just sounds yummy, plus it's got "bone" in it so it's funny.
Funny story in The Onion (www.theonion.com) this week, "U.S. Blowjobless Rate At All Time High." They went for the one word, "blowjob."
No opinions on the blowjob, but meatballs should have either "sphere" or "orb" in the name. How about:
Meat Orbs, Meat Globes or Spheres of Meat (OF DOOM)
Or if that's too tame:
Spheres of Flesh
Orbs of Pork
Beef Globes
And, using my Thesaurus:
Animal Protein Orbs. That takes the cake. Or rather the meatball. Orb. Thing.
You know, this microsoft thesaurus is a bit odd. Under "Flesh" it lists "tissue"... but it doesn't list "flesh" under "tissue". What's up with that?
I say 'blowjob' and 'handjob' are one word monikers.
What I have a problem with is people who can't spell the simplest words to begin with, such as "definite". Why the hell does everyone spell 'definite' with a friggin' "A" in it? Like, "definate"? Drives me nuts. And don't even get me started on people who use the possessive apostrophy in words like "taco's" or "film's". Check menus everywhere, you'll see what I mean. Hell, you can even look at a previous post up there and see a "definate". Sheesh, blow-job or blowjob, we need to sort out the basics!
On top of spaghetti
All covered with cheese
He lost his poor blow job
When somebody sneezed
Uh, two word to emphasize the "job" part. And what a wonderful job it is. :-D
If you're going for the "at least say it in another language" option, here are some suggestions.
Albanian: qofte
Basque: almandrongila
Chinese: zi qiu
Czech: karban�tek
Dutch: vleesballetje
Finnish: lihapy�rykk�
French: boulette de viande
German: Fleischkl�schen
Greek: kephtes
Hungarian: fas�rozott
Italian: polpetta
Korean: koki wanja
Lithuanian: m?sos kukulis
Quechua: aycha morq'o
Romansh: ballacharn
Spanish: alb�ndiga
Swedish: k�ttbulle
Urdu: gosht kurrah
Welsh: pelau gan cig
Zarma: ham bal
you dont even blow, so shouldnt it be suck-job?
how about boh-boh instead of meatballs?
Meatballs will now be known as:
Meat Doughnut Holes
Whether its one word, two words or hyphenated... shouldnt we be renaming "blowjob"? Who actually "blows" when they are performing this "job"?
the donut hole name brought me to:
MEATY POP-EMS!
It seems like they always used hyphens in the old days. A gentle-man would take his girl-friend for a ride in his auto-mobile for some iced-cream, then head out into the woods where she'd give him a blow-job.
As time went on and the term become more commonplace, the hyphine was dropped in favor of a simpler two-word approach. The streamlining continued further, much the way it did with words like "email," to become simly "blowjob."
It should also be noted that the spelling of the word has no overall effect on the act itself.
I suggest we follow Adult Swim's lead. Any fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force already calls them "meatwads".
"The Italian Matzo"
"They're like Sputnik; spherical, but quite meaty in parts."
Chuck Chunks
Beefballs.
Well, if not blowjob, how bout "suckgig?" Disgusting!!
God! I just can't stop!!!
I've just been informed that the exposure time in victorian age photography was like 10 minutes..........she was really posing!
SORRY....MY COMMENT IS IN REGARD TO THE FIRST COMMENT ON THE SUBJECT AND THE PHOTOGRAPH MENTIONED.
It must have been difficult for Victorian pornographers to find men who could maintain a consistent degree of firmness and elevation long enough for the picture to be taken, though the auditions must have been interesting.
Meat Donut Holes! Niemster, you so rule!
As for blowjob, blow-job, or blow job? Er, I don't really care, but I'd really like someone to go "yodeling in the canyon" right about now....
:0)
How about we call it a Dicklick instead? An altogether more precise description of what goes on. Plus: Has the advantage of being genital specific. A girl's not going to say: I got my dicklicked last night. She'd say something along the lines of: I got my gash tonguelashed last night.
i like dicklick! does anyone know how the term blow job started? i cant connect the blow part to the actual act. except like maybe reverse baloon blowing? ... *shrug*
update!
a friend of mine just informed me that 'blow' could be related to the term for a man ejaculating (e.g. 'blow my load'). so it's like an ejaculate job. woohoo. i still like dicklick better
"the donut hole name brought me to:
MEATY POP-EMS!"
Reminds me of those things on Futurama: Poplars.
Poplars!! So that means that maybe meatballs are....ALAYYYVVEEEEEEE!!!!!!
That makes me think of Soylent Green. "Meatballs are *people*!! They're PEEEEPUHHHLLL!!!!!"
Why not make it a symbol instead? Like Prince.
:0 (===
i can not believe we're still talking about this from friday!!!
on second thought, i think "meat munchkins" is good.
correction, meatballs are in fact dead!! the cow was alive, and now i'm eating his flesh with my pasta!!
Flesh and pasta, aiye?
Cow Cupcakes?
Beef Buoys in a sea of angelhair and vermicelli??
I love how far we are running this post into the ground...I can almost hear the collective scream from desperate readers..."WE. NEED. NEW. SNEEZE. MUST. READ. FUNNY. STUFF."
Um, did anyone else scroll further down on Wikipedia to see the drawings? They put a female doing cunnilingus and a male performing fellatio. Hahaha. I think the photo was cool enough to make it my wall-paper, err, wall paper, um, wallpaper on my desktop.
I love "Beef Dumplings". So far my favorite.
How about Gristle Globes, Beef Blobs, Tissue Tarts, Flesh Fists, Organ Orbs, Great Balls O' Meat, Muscle Mounds or Spaghetti Enhancers.
As for fellatio, if I ever have to write Blowjob correctly, I'm in the wrong business. However, for the purpose of, let's say it was going on your resume', you'd probably keep it as one word.
Just a thought.
Surprising that William Safire has never addressed this in his column.
suck-like-a-lollypop-job
ow-my-neck-and-my-jaw-hurts-job
please-don't-come-in-my-mouth-job
Um - i think we need to go all out with the whole meatball thing - something the kids will think is cool.
Ding-Dang-Slopity-Dukes!
Completly misleading.
Also i was at a festival at the weekend and ate some meatballs (or Ding-Dang-Slopity-Dukes!) that were made from 60% mechanically recovered "meat".
1 - Whats the other 40%
2 - Next time i would prefer a named meat
Forget "blow[-]job." I call it "slurping on the meat-popsicle."
My Microsoft Outlook spellcheck accepts "blowjob" as a correctly spelled word. Doesn't that pretty much end the debate? Bill Gates has spoken.
Also, when will the "Scrapple" episode of "Steve Don't Eat It" be published.
/spell-check? spell check?
Speaking of "Steve Don't Eat It"s...I've heard of this thing called a 1,000 Year Old Egg...its a delicacy on some foreign soil that doesn't come to mind at the moment...anyhow its like, a hardboild egg stuck in the ground to rot for some number of weeks and then eaten.
EWW. Maybe they sell it at Ralph's?? heh.
"Sucking on the meat popsicle"?
Shouldn't this be the "meatsicle"? Just a thought!
Oh, my friend, who is like the Queen Evil Goddess of Grammar says that it's one word...and if she says it, I believe her, as I've never seen someone have quite so big a coniption as her if you use the word "and" to start a written sentence. She seems to have no qualms about using it as the beginning to a spoken sentence however....odd girl! Anyway, that's all I got on that front.
Wish I weren't at work so I could go check out Wikipedia on the blowjob front....but I know Big Brother is watching from corporate. ((turns to wave and smile at the hidden cameras.)) Please, don't anybody tell on me, okay? Please!?!?
http://aa.com
http://www.aab1004.com
Source: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000410.php
I'm gonna go with one word...only because that's how I've always spelled it and I don't like to admit I may be wrong.
Also...if you dare...look it up on Wikipedia. But be prepared, because there is some really old black and white photo of the the very first recorded bj ever on it.
May I just say...victorian porn = ew.